Myosotis
by PandoraxDestiny
Summary: In a hospital in Taiwan, Alice woke up, aware that she had lost something - someone - dear to her. Her beloved brother, Hans.
1. Chapter 1

**AN:** **A** **Deemo fanfiction I've posted on Wattpad. I've decided that I might as well post it here too since it's completed ouo**

* * *

 **Disclaimer:** **Deemo belongs to Rayark Inc. and all music belong to their respective artists.**

* * *

 **Chapter 1: Dream**

 _Beep._

 _Beep._

 _Beep._

 _Blink._

White.

White was the first colour she saw upon awakening. It was the colour of the ceiling.

 _Beep._

And that constant sound accompanying it was the first sound she heard, even before she woke.

Her sight was blurry, as though she had not awaken in a long time - a very, very long time. She blinked away the unfocused vision she had developed and tried to sit up. She couldn't. Her limbs refused to cooperate with her. She willed them to move. _Twitch_. The slight movement of her fingers was the only result of her resolve.

 _Blink._

She gazed around the room, her mind not at all registering her location and the items within. Where was she?

 _Beep._

Beside her was a screen with numbers, letters and lines, but the one thing that struck out the most was the green line that spiked up and down. It looked familiar, but she couldn't recall where she had seen it before.

 _Beep._

Blink.

The machine was the one making the noise.

Then the realization came upon her. It was a heart monitor. She remembered seeing them in all those shows on T.V where someone got into an accident and was brought to the hospital to be treated.

Hospital.

That was where she was, the hospital. Her brows furrowed as she thought, _'What am I doing in a hospital?'_ She closed her eyes and evened her breathing as she struggled to recollect her muddled thoughts. The _beep_ of the heart monitor that had woken her up continued to play in the background, calming her down and aiding in her pursuit to sort her thoughts.

Falling. That's right, she had been falling. Even now she could feel the sensation of descending down, unaware of when she would land with nothing to hold, no solid ground to stand, air rushing out of her lungs and panicking because she had no idea what was happening. And then an impact. But it wasn't the one she had been expecting, the one where she landed on her back harshly, leaving her gasping and writhing in pain because it _hurt_ all over. No, she had been caught.

A tall, black figure that towered over her appeared in her mind. _Deemo._ That's right, she had been caught by Deemo.

He had sat her down on his piano and allowed her to explain. At that time, she had no idea how she had got there, nor any idea of whom she was _(because now she knew who she was)_. He was so kind, she remembered. After her explanation, he had promised to help her regain her memory, _her identity_. He assisted in growing her tree, attaining the key that opened the final door, placating the masked lady and building the staircase which lead to her freedom.

She had been reluctant to leave, he was a great friend and she didn't want to leave him behind. And in so many ways, Deemo was just like _him_. Then, as the platform ascended to the window she had fell from, everything _changed_.

The dark looming figure's long, elegant, thin fingers became familiar pianist fingers she had held tightly and watched gently tap black and white keys so lovingly for as long as she could remember. The black that had composed Deemo faded away to reveal her brother playing the piano and sending her a look she had never seen on his face before. A look that clenched her heart and left her a crying mess as she desperately called out his name as she reached forward, trying to grasp, _to touch_ , him just _one more time_ before he disappeared, never to return.

 _No._

Her eyes opened once again, and all of a sudden, her limbs were responding to her commands as she removed her non-rebreather mask and IV drip and raced towards the open window with billowing curtains and stared out.

It couldn't be. It had to be a dream.

 _(As she gazed out the window, she recalled the masked lady who had stood beside her brother. She had taken off her hood and mask to reveal that the masked lady was none other than herself, gazing back with a look of sorrow.)_

 _(And then Alice realised... the accident hadn't been a dream - but Deemo had been.)_

So it was true.

 _Drip._

Her brother was dead.

 _Drip._

Hans was dead.

 _Drip._

The dam that she had been building up inside herself burst open and spilled forth as she collapsed to the ground sobbing, completely disregarding the angels in white that had arrived and took to comforting her. No one could comfort her, nobody but him. But he was gone.

So Alice cried because her brother, _Hans_ , had died and left her _alone_.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: I Hate to Tell You**

 _'Climbing over the mountains,_

 _I noticed in the distance,_

 _You'll never get over.'_

\- Yuk-Cheung Chun, 'I Hate to Tell You'

* * *

"I hate to tell you, Miss Alice, but your brother is dead."

Alice stared blankly ahead at the white wall in front of her. In her mind she barely registered the words that entered her ear and left through the other.

She knew.

Her brother had died protecting her. He knew that both of them would die, but there was the possibility of one of them surviving the car-crash _(and in his eyes, her)_ if one shielded the other and took most of the blow. That was why Alice was still alive - her brother had taken the blow for her.

And oh how she wished that he was the one in her current place instead.

Hans never deserved such a fate. If Alice could rewind time, she would have pushed him out of the way of danger instead. Even if it meant that she would've die.

 _(And she would die for him, several times over)_

The touch of skin against her flesh brought Alice out of her reverie and she spared the psychiatrist sitting on a chair beside her hospital bed a glance.

"I know, this must be hard for you," he said in a sympathetic tone. "But I can help you."

Alice brought her drawn up knees tighter together and pressed them closer to her body, wishing that the psychiatrist would remove his hand off of her person already. _'How?'_ she wondered. _'How on earth does he think he can help me. It's not as if he understands.'_

She glanced at the psychiatrist again and noted his professional apparel and how the material of his clothing seemed expensive and everything was tucked in. His dark hair was also gelled back which only added to the professional air he gave off. It was the appearance of someone who had no understanding of the pain she had gone - is going - through. How was somebody like this supposed to help her? He seemed to care more about appearances than aiding his clients onto a path of recovery.

And it wasn't like he could've helped anyway, the only person who could help her was already gone.

"You've just got to let me help you, I can't if you don't tell me what's wrong."

Alice wished he would just be quiet. She didn't need his help; all she needed was Hans. If he wished to help her, then he should just leave her alone. What she needed right now wasn't a psychiatrist, but peace and quiet - time _alone_. And the cat doll her brother gave her. None of the comfort methods she once used could help her release her emotions in her current situation. She needed to cry her eyes out. Alone. She didn't want anybody to watch and give her those eyes of _pity_ and offer empty words of comfort which she knew to be false. Everything they spouted - they didn't understand the full implication of the meaning behind the words. They would _never_ understand.

Where was Hans when she needed him most?


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Pulses**

 _'I'm standing all alone'_

\- Sta feat. A, 'Pulses'

* * *

 _Beep. Beep. Beep._

Alice watched the green line on the heart monitor screen beside her absently.

 _Beep._

It spiked up.

 _Beep._

It dipped down.

She was entranced by its erratic movement. Those lines proved that she was alive, they represented her heart beat, her life.

Something that Hans should still have.

 _'How fragile life is,'_ Alice thought to herself. If the line were to go flat, she would die. As long as it kept going, she would live - it was so simple. You either live or die.

So why was she alive?

She should be dead. She knew that she _should be_. The impact of being hit by a truck should have killed her instantly. Just like her brother.

Alice subconsciously clenched her fists. It was at times like this she felt a small spark of emotion towards her dearest brother that she couldn't find the words to describe and she knew to be not at all positive. After feeling it, she would feel guilty and absolutely horrified she dared to think such a thing, but it happened; a small spark burning in her chest that closely resembled resentment.

"Why would she feel such a thing?" one may ask. It was simple. In his act of love and sacrifice, he died and left her behind all alone. She resented him for not thinking about the consequences of his actions. He went ahead and died protecting her, leaving her alive to live with the guilt of being partially responsible for her brother's death. And not to mention, she couldn't live without him. How could she? The least he could've done was left her to die together with him so she wouldn't have to live with the pain of losing a loved and reliving that day over and over and _over_ again. So how dare he, _how dare he_ , leave her behind like that.

 _(She could still feel his arms wrapped around her as he embraced her in his act of self-sacrifice and the warmth of his skin and his breath as he inhaled and exhaled, still_ alive _._

 _And his eyes, oh god, his_ eyes _, as she peered up at him in panic and confusion as he gave a a small smile that told her everything would be_ alright _, even though it wasn't, and a small comforting squeeze of the hand which left her believing his lie although it was so obvious that everything was_ not alright _.)_

 _(...That stupid, selfish, reckless brother of hers.)_

But even if she felt that slight hatred towards him, Alice knew she loved her brother dearly. Bitterly, she thought, _'I guess it's true, 'You can't truly hate someone until you've cared about them. Until you've loved them'.'_

 _(And at that moment, she let go of her morals for a few seconds and wished that she didn't truly love her brother, because then she wouldn't be in this much pain.)_

 _Beep._

The green line spiked up.

 _Beep._

The green line dipped down.

 _(Briefly, Alice wondered what would happen if she just made the line go_ flat _.)_

Unfortunately, that is a tale for another day.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Undo**

 _'Chāi diào diàn shì, chāi diào shēng yīn, chāi diào shǒu jī, chāi diào jì yì_

 _(Tear down TV, tear down sound, tear down mobile phone, tear down memories)_

 _Chāi diào, chāi diào, chāi diào_

 _(Tear down, tear down, tear down)'_

-Yuk-Cheung Chun feat. Misi Ke, 'Undo'

* * *

It was Hans' funeral today.

When the nurse arrived to tell her, the full impact of his death finally hit her.

He was dead.

Hans was dead.

 _Hans was dead._

Alice had felt weak in the knees, she was sure she would've collapsed under her weight if she had been standing. Her stomach rolled and she'd felt like vomiting because it was the first time news about someone dying had been so _real_.

It would be the first time since being admitted into the hospital she would be allowed to leave, albeit in a wheelchair and the instruction to return right after the funeral. It seemed they had been awaiting her awakening and return of strength before holding the funeral.

Sitting in her wheelchair at the front row of the ceremony, Alice stared despondently as they lifted her brother's coffin into the ground. While her exterior presented an emotionally-drained and grief-ridden girl mourning the death of her beloved brother, she was anything but miserable on the inside. She was in fact furious. Alice wanted to rush forth and bite, kick and scream at the people who were burying her brother even though she couldn't even get out of her wheelchair without help. What did they think they were doing? Her brother wasn't dead, he _couldn't_ be.

Watching the shovels pile dirt atop her brother's final resting place, Alice felt a sense of finality about his death. This was it. She couldn't deny his death after this no matter how hard she tried because it was a stone hard fact that her dearest brother, Hans, was _dead_.

 _('This wasn't right,' she thought. 'It couldn't possibly be.' He shouldn't be there, it should be both of them or_ her _.)_

Alice turned her gaze to the cloud infested sky and watched as the grey clouds slowly crawled across the sky.

 _Drip._

Alice blinked as a liquid dropped onto the edge of her eyes and slid down her tilted cheeks as though it was a tear.

 _Drip._

 _Drip._

 _Drip._

As the first one fell, several followed in succession before heavy sheets blanketed the service and the program was promptly cut short due to the sudden change in weather and Alice was carted away.

It was as though the sky was crying.

 _(Alice was relieved that the rain had hid those few genuine tears that managed to escape her eyes.)_

* * *

Upon arriving back at the hospital, Alice was delivered back to her room and tucked back into her current bed.

"I know it must be hard, but you were a strong girl today, Alice," her nurse told her gently, but firmly with a kiss to her forehead before leaving.

As soon as Alice heard the door to her room slid shut, she ripped out all the wires connected to her and chucked the vase of beautifully arranged flowers on her bedside table to the wall across from her in her fit of rage and didn't bother to even watch it shatter and fall to the floor as shards as she tucked her face into her pillow and screamed.

The storm raging on outside drowned out the sounds of her muffled screams as she slowly unraveled.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Utopiosphere**

 _'Twisted creation_

 _Phosphorescent apparition_

 _Heart disorientation_

 _Bemusement'_

 _'The sky is painted in Lunacia_

 _Florets slashed open the vein of tears_

 _Misfortuna_

 _There is no escape, my dear'_

 _-Mili, 'Utopiosphere'_

* * *

Alice was going insane.

She refused to eat the days after Hans' death and the nurses attending her grew worried as they returned to collect the tray of uneaten food they had delivered earlier. Nothing they did or say could ever get her to eat as she glared obstinately at the small crack on the wall across from her that had formed when she went on her sudden rampage days ago. But that wasn't the only thing about why she was going insane.

She had nightmares.

Every night, _every single night_ , she would relive that day in her dreams. There was no escaping it, and it scared her. She didn't want to remember that day, but no matter how hard she tried, no matter how hard she tried to get her mind off of it, it kept on reappearing like a scab on her arm. If she even tried to scratch it off, it would bleed and a new one would form, and end up worse than before. The dreams would continue haunting her persistently, a ghost of the memories of that day.

So every night, she would wake up in a fit, screaming and crying for her brother even though he was gone, but that didn't stop her.

It was like a merry-go-round, it kept on going around in continuous circles. Only this time, she couldn't get off when she wanted to.

 _(She couldn't take it anymore. It was too much. She wanted it to just_ stop _.)_

Eventually Alice took to sleeping with the cat doll her brother had given her. It was a cute plushie, with a tinkling bell attached to a red collar that rang whenever it moved and a patch of black covering its right ear and eye, reaching just above its stitched smile.

 _("Deemo," she insisted when she was asked what the doll's name was; the only time she would ever speak.)_

It numbed the pain and eased the nightmares slightly. Alice liked to think it was because her brother was watching over, like guardian angel. It fit, considering he was just like one when he was still alive, but then she would remember that there couldn't possibly be deity up above; because if there was, her brother wouldn't be dead.

 _(And she would fall into depression once again.)_

Once that realisation happened, the pain returned and the nightmares enveloped her once more, this time with twice the ferocity than before. And that wasn't all. They were following Alice into reality. She would hallucinate sensations _(the touch of her brother and his blood smearing onto her skin)_ , sounds _(the screeching of tires)_ , and images in the corner of her vision _(a big white truck racing towards her and the figure of her dead brother)_ that weren't even there. And every time it happened, Alice's heart would skip a beat as she panicked.

Yes, Alice was going insane.

 _Insane with grief._


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: Nine Point Eight**

 _'Swirling wind sings for our reunion_

 _And nine point eight is my acceleration_

 _Take me to where our souls may live in peace_

 _Our brand new commencement'_

-Mili, 'Nine Point Eight'

* * *

Alice peered out the window.

Beneath her, the traffic sounded as cars drove past and pedestrians walked. It was a busy sound and sight, but it was the symbol of life.

The wind gently caressed her face in a loving embrace _(a reminisce of her brother's hugs)_ and brushed her hair away from her face _(just like her brother once did)_.

The hospital staff had given up on her. Or so that was what Alice believed. It sure seemed like it. They no longer urged her to eat her food as they did before and they no longer came rushing when she detached all the wires linked to her body, simply retrieving the tray with pursed lips and reattaching the wires to her being when they came to do so. They were probably frustrated and tired of her actions, understandable as this had been happening for the past week.

Alice wondered where all those people were going. She was not allowed to go anywhere and was confined to her room. She wondered what their lives were like. Were they happy? Sad? Did they belong to a loving family or were they distant from them? Were they well off or barely making enough to come by? She was once one of them. A happy girl who belonged to a loving family who spoiled her. She would go to school everyday under the loving gaze of her brother and return home under that same gaze. She was a sheltered girl who understood nothing of the real world. But that was no longer the case. After witnessing death, Alice doubted anybody would ever be sheltered like that again. People would tell her lies like 'Hans is in a better place' and 'Everything will be okay', which obviously weren't true. Because everything was not okay and the best place for her brother was by her side.

 _'Everything was so far down,'_ Alice noted, estimating the distance to the ground. _'How long would it take to reach the ground from here?'_

Nine point eight.

Alice remembered reading that in one of her brother's books - Hans' physics book when he was still in high school, two years back. Nine point eight was the acceleration of gravity on a falling object.

It was the acceleration of gravity on the rate at which she would fall if she were to jump out from this window.

Alice froze, entertaining that idea. To most it would not be a pleasant idea, but to Alice, it was close to music to her ears. This way she could be with her brother and she would no longer have to deal with all those looks of pity from those around her. _It was the solution to everything._

Before she could lose her courage, Alice heaved herself up to sit on the window sill. Her heart stuttered as the familiar feeling of having no solid ground below her feet settled in and she started to lose her nerve.

The ground was so _far, far away_.

 _(But she could do this, would do this, for the sake of her brother.)_

Alice took a deep breath and prepared to let go.

 _Crash._

The sudden sound caused Alice to break her concentration and look up in unadulterated surprise.

"GET DOWN FROM THERE!"

 _(Although Alice felt dejected from losing this opportunity to join her brother, she couldn't help but feel relief, and she hated herself for feeling that and leaving her brother all alone in the afterlife.)_


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: Light Pollution**

 _'Face in the shade_

 _It's the previous me that you cry about_

 _Face in the shade_

 _Goodnight, goodbye'_

-Yuk-Cheung Chun feat. Europa Hang, 'Light Pollution'

* * *

"You can't do that, Alice!"

Alice stared the nurse berating her blankly. Barely registering her words. If she wanted to commit suicide, it was her choice, nobody else should have a say but her. If they thought they were doing her a favour, they weren't. They were just interfering.

"Your life isn't something that you can throw away so easily!" _'Or is it?'_

"Once you throw it away, you can't get it back," the nurse told her. Alice was quiet and looking anywhere but her senior. Pursing their lips as the nurse realised their charge wasn't listening and didn't understand the true implications of her death, they tried a different tactic.

"Think about the people you will be leaving behind. Your parents have just lost your brother - how do you think they'll feel if they lost their daughter too in the span of a month?"

That got through to Alice.

The young girl glared at the nurse who returned her furious look with one of disapproval.

Alice was not like her brother.

 _(She refused to believe she would throw her life away and leave someone precious to her like her brother did, even if what the nurse said was true.)_

"Shut up."

The nurse blinked and opened their mouth to continue scold her for responding that way, but before a single word could leave their mouth, Alice stopped them again with a scream of, "Shut up!"

"What do you know?" Alice spat, narrowing her narrowed eyes even more at her target of contempt. All of her pent up frustration was being unleashed and Alice was seeing _red_. "You don't know what I've been through, so don't you dare try to tell me you understand because you don't. Stop giving me those eyes of _pity_ , I don't need them. They don't do anything to help, they just make me feel worse, so just stop. And I don't need you people, _you strangers_ , to continue trying to comfort me because comfort from strangers are on the same level as receiving no comfort at all. They mean _nothing_ if they don't come from someone who _truly_ cares about me. I don't know you, and you don't know me, so stop acting like you do because you never will!"

Once again, the nurse tried to put their own say in, but Alice wouldn't let them. She cut them off by throwing her uneaten tray of food at them.

"Leave!"

Quietly and without a complaint but only a brief look back which resulted in another smashed vase, the nurse scampered out, leaving Alice alone. Even when alone, Alice continued to glare at the door before silently closing her eyes and falling back onto her bed to think about what the nurse had said.

 _"Think about the people you will be leaving behind. Your parents have just lost your brother - how do you think they'll feel if they lost their daughter too in the span of a month?"_

It wasn't like her parents would miss her, they would only be missing the girl she had once been.

Glancing out into the dark, Alice saw spots of light turning on and polluting the darkness.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: Magnolia**

 _'Loves me, loves me not._

 _Tried to get a rise out of_

 _Magnolia petals but_

 _Soon scattered them over you._

 _Watch me fall and drop away.'_

-M2U Vocal by Guriri, 'Magnolia'

* * *

There was a vase of magnolia flowers on her bedside table.

Alice wanted to laugh at the irony.

One of the books that had been given to her in an attempt to cure her of boredom and to discourage her from having anymore suicidal thoughts after her attempt at taking her own life - they had barred the window in her room after that - was a book on floriology; the language of flowers.

 _Name: Magnolia_

 _Colour: white, pink, mauve, cream, yellow, purple, lavender_

 _Meaning_

 _The magnolia flower has a variety of meanings depending on the colour of the bloom and are known to be_ splendid beauty and magnificent _. Its meaning may also depend on the culture. In China, magnolias have been cultivated for thousands of years and attached to it are the sentiments of_ purity and nobility _. In Japan, the flower has been used as a medicinal and ornamental plant and is associated to_ sublimity, naturalism and love for nature _. It is also a symbol of_ life force _. In North America, the magnolia is very significant in the south, being the official state flower of Mississippi and Louisiana. Mississippi has earned the title of 'Magnolia State' and the city of Houston in Texas is known as 'Magnolia City' due to the abundance of magnolias growing in these places. Here, they are known as the harbingers of spring's arrival._

 _As such, magnolias are known to be seen as flowers of_ beauty and perseverance, nobility and dignity, and sweetness and love for nature.

 _White - purity and perfection_

 _Pink - youth, innocence and joy_

 _Yellow - joy and spring_

 _Green - health and luck_

 _Purple - amplify the uses of the green magnolia_

Alice understood why there would be yellow, green and purple magnolias in the arrangement, but not white and pink ones. While she may be in her youth, she was not innocent. No, she had lost that when her beloved brother died. And as such, she was no longer pure, darkness had tainted her along with Hans' death. And how was she perfect? She was now just a broken little girl, a shell of her previous self. She was merely living in the remains of a girl who once inhabited her body.

Reaching over, Alice plucked a white magnolia from the bouquet and held it in her hands. It was so fragile, just like life. Its petals were soft and so easy to pull if Alice desired to do so. Thinking along those lines, Alice was reminded of the small habit she had of pulling petals out and chanting, "Loves me, loves me not," whenever she had a crush to see if they returned her feelings. More than often, to her past self's dismay, it would end in "Loves me not."

 _(This time, Alice would test the love her brother had for her.)_

Alice pulled one petal out.

 _Loves me._

She pulled another.

 _Loves me not._

And she continued.

 _Loves me._

 _Love me not._

 _Loves me._

 _Loves me not._

 _Loves me._

 _Loves me not._

Alice's fingers lingered on the last remaining petal before pulling in out and scattering the petals around her.

 _Loves me._


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: Fluquor**

 _'Itsuka kono omoi wa kimi no te maiorite_

 _(Someday these feelings of mine will flutter down into your hands)_

 _Fureteba tokete yuku yo inochi no yasashisa de_

 _(And if you touch them, they will melt from the tenderness of your life)'_

\- Onoken / Vocal: Rin, 'Fluquor'

* * *

Alice awoke to the clink of her breakfast tray.

She blinked bleary-eyed at the nurse who delivered her breakfast who after placing down her breakfast, moved to her bedside table and placed another object down and left, unaware of Alice's awakening.

Sitting up with much effort on her part, Alice finally noticed her frail figure. Her arms were like twigs and looked like they would snap at any given moment. Feeling her face, Alice felt the unnatural hollowness that she possessed which children shouldn't have. Her stomach whined for food, yet she didn't feel hungry. She hadn't felt hungry ever since Hans' death had fully set in. She was sure that she would've vomited everything up after eating it, and she was especially sure that would happen now since her stomach would now find solid food foreign.

Remembering that the nurse had left something else alongside her breakfast, Alice turned her attention over to her bedside table and saw that an unfamiliar box had been placed there. Reaching out a weak hand, Alice grabbed the box and examined it. It was a smooth black and was tied with a silky white ribbon into a simple bow. Although she had never seen it before, it seemed familiar. After staring at it for a few seconds, it hit her.

It reminded her of Deemo.

Alice bit her lip as tears threatened to spill and she blinked them away. She internally berated herself. It wasn't like her brother could send her something, he was dead.

Finding the tag attached to the present, Alice flipped it over and read it.

 _To: Alice_

 _From:_

 _'Who was it from?'_ Alice mused with furrowed brows. Carefully undoing the bow, Alice lifted the top of the black box and almost dropped it as she saw what was inside. Inside was a circular quartz with a flower design carved atop it.

The exactly same circular quartz that Deemo, _Hans_ , had placed her on and brought her out of her coma.

 _Drip._

 _'Huh?'_ Alice thought and lifted a hand to her cheeks. She made contact with a hot liquid spilling down her face and wiped it away. But as soon as she did that, another drop appeared and Alice was left wiping her face as tears ravaged her being.

 _'Why?'_

Alice once again thought back to the events which lead to her leaving her coma and whilst doing so, she reached a notion she had never thought of before.

 _(Her brother didn't die and leave her alone; he had never left her - he was still with her._

 _He had stuck by her while she grew up and had been Deemo in her coma._

 _...And he was still with her.)_

 _'What am I doing?'_ she wondered to herself. _'Why am I doing all this to myself? Hans didn't do all this for me to waste away and die; I'm just disrespecting his memory. How could I? I'm such an idiot!'_

Deemo, _Hans_ , didn't go through all those things for her to do this to herself. He didn't protect Alice from death, play all those songs and try so hard for her to wake up, only for her to die when she did.

 _'I am going to stop doing this to myself,'_ Alice told herself, sobs wracking her body. _'And live in a way in which Hans would be proud of.'_

* * *

When the nurse later returned, they was surprised to see that the tray had been wiped clean of all traces of food. They had glanced at the figure hidden beneath the blanket and smiled, wondering what on earth had caused the sudden change of heart as they left the room.

* * *

Underneath the blanket, Alice was still sobbing with only one thought resonating throughout her mind.

 _(He never left without saying goodbye.)_


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10: Legacy**

"I want to play the piano."

The nurse was surprised when she heard Alice speak. It was the first time in a while, and it was even more surprising that Alice had said she wanted something. It was only obvious that Alice was given what she wanted.

* * *

"Hello, Alice. It's nice to meet you," said Alice's new piano instructor. Alice blinked up at him from her wheelchair. He was young, only five years older than her, but already proclaimed a genius in the field.

"It's nice to meet you to," she returned pleasantly. She received a beam in return for her manners and her instructor came over to help her out of her wheelchair and onto the piano stool.

"So, Alice, what inspired you to become a pianist?" asked Alice's teacher.

"...My brother was a pianist," Alice said. "I want to follow his footsteps and fulfill his dream of becoming a world-class pianist."

Her teacher noticed how she had referred to her brother in past tense and the way in which she spoke of him, but he didn't comment on it. Alice was glad he didn't.

"Okay, shall we start?"

Alice nodded.

* * *

"Play it again."

Alice furrowed her brows as she did as instructed with much concentration. This time, she completed the song flawlessly. She looked up at her teacher to see his reaction.

"Good job, Alice," she praised her with a look of approval and pat on the head. Alice allowed a small grin of pride to infiltrate her face.

Gathering up the sheets of music, Alice's teacher hummed, "So is there any particular song you'll like to learn now? I think it'd be good to take a break from all these required pieces and learn something you want to once in a while."

Alice thought for a moment before reaching a conclusion. "'Legacy'," she said. "I want to learn 'Legacy'."

Her instructor gaze her a confused look to which Alice giggled at.

"It's a modern song composed by 'switchworks'," she informed him. "Not all of it is in piano, but I'm sure I can make do."

"Very well then," her teacher said in affirmation. "'Legacy' it is then."

* * *

Alice arrived earlier than her instructor that day.

Glancing around, she sat down on the piano stool and flexed her fingers, reveling in her freedom of movement. She still remembered the days she had been confined to her wheelchair, and that was years ago. Six years in fact; Alice was now sixteen.

 _'Time passes by so quickly,'_ Alice thought. It had already been six years since her brother died.

 _(And she would never forget, couldn't. Alice kept count after all.)_

Brushing her fingers over the cover of the grand piano, Alice lifted it and experimentally pressed a single white key. Alice closed her eyes as she basked in the harmonious sound that the piano produced and emanated around the room and her being. Before she knew it, several other keys followed in succession and she was playing the song she had just finished composing the night before. The first song she had ever composed.

Upon ending, Alice's fingers lingered on the final note and she reluctantly lifted her finger, emotions over-riding her being. Playing the song brought back so many memories, both good and bad, and unforgettable. The song meant a lot to her. It told of all her experiences when the was ten-years-old. She'd put everything into it. Alice quickly wiped her eyes when wetness formed.

 _Clap. Clap. Clap._

Alice glanced up sharply when the sound of applause penetrated the silence after the final note had disappeared.

"That was beautiful, Alice," said her teacher with a warm smile on his face.

Alice blushed. "Thank you."

"What is it called?"

"'Deemo'. It's my first composition."

"Oh? What inspired it?"

Alice smiled fondly.

"The lovely, lonely stranger; and my dearest brother, Hans."


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11: Myosotis**

 _'Bye, bye my doleful aria...'_

-M2U / Arranger: M2U & NICODE / Vocal: Guriri & Lucy, 'Myosotiis'

* * *

It was the eighth anniversary of Hans' death.

Alice stood in front of her brother's grave for the eighth time, and she was sure more were to come.

"It's been a while, brother," she said, kneeling in front of the grave and cleaning it before placing a bouquet of forget-me-nots.

"I know I should visit more than just during the anniversary of your death, but I'm busy, as I'm sure you know, and can barely make time to even visit you when it is. I'm sorry.

"I suppose I should tell you how I'm doing. I'll be flying abroad next month for a recital in Germany. Cool right? I wish you could be there though... Anyway, I'm doing pretty well in school - or I'm getting passing marks in all my subjects and not failing" - a laugh - "that would be bad, wouldn't it?

"I've also gotten a boyfriend - oh god, that's embarrassing to say aloud. It's my piano instructor. He's twenty-three, five years my senior, but that doesn't affect our relationship at all. Love knows no boundaries after all, or so they say. It's just like how our ten year age gap didn't affect our sibling relationship. I mean, we always got along great despite how much older you were than me. Look at me, I'm rambling now."

Silence.

Alice stared at the marble gravestone affront her and traced the words carved onto the stone.

 _Hans -_

 _XXXX-XXXX_

 _A loving brother and son_

 _You will forever be missed_

"...I miss you."

Although Alice had come to terms with her brother's death years ago, thinking about it still caused her heart to ache.

"I still wish you were here - you should be here, watching me grow up. You should be there every single step of the way, praising me for my accomplishments, comforting me when failures happen, spoiling me rotten, interrogating my boyfriend until he gets your approval for daring to date your younger sister - you've always had a sister complex, just like how I have a brother complex."

Alice stared at the gravestone.

"I was hoping that you could've been by my side when I finally got married."

She lowered her eyes.

"I guess that dream can no longer be achieved."

She looked back up.

"I got you forget-me-nots for a reason," Alice said. "God knows why I still have that book on floriology back from when I was still on the hospital, but the book said that forget-me-nots symbolise _true love, faithful love, memories and 'remember me forever'._ "

Touching the bouquet, Alice said, "I hope the sentiments I hold for you are returned. I love you, but I'm sure you know that already. And I'll always remember you, _always_. I hope you never forget me too, wherever you are."

"Alice! It's time to go, you have a recital in an hour!"

"That'd be my boyfriend. He means well; he's always been reluctant to take me away when I'm visiting you."

Alice stood up.

"I guess this will be it for a while, until next time. Farewell, my dearest brother, Hans."

And as she left, Alice swore she could hear her brother's voice whispering in the wind.

 _("Goodbye, my beloved sister, Alice...")_


End file.
